Hey everyone! It has been two weeks since my first blog and I hope everyone enjoyed it. I wanted to post another blog way sooner than this, however, I am the type of person who tries to think of the perfect topic. the topic that everyone will like and take in well and respond to. I went through so many ideas in my head. Some of those ideas could be saved for future blog posts. As I sat here at my computer watching random videos on YouTube, I began thinking about some things in my life. This was inspired by the YouTube video I just watched about a person with similar traits as me and how it affects them everyday.
NEGATIVE SOCIAL TRAITS
Most of you may think that title might be a little…..awkward. that is because it is. I refuse to put myself into the category of social anxiety. While I may have a few traits that associates with social anxiety, I certainly do not have ALL the traits of social anxiety. This is not an easy topic to talk about, however, I feel as though it can help people understand people like me better and be able to help more.
So let me explain more about my personality. One of the first things that you will notice about me is…wait for it…I am shy! I bet everyone is shocked by that one! No? well anyway, I am shy when I am around people I do not know. I will most likely keep to myself, play on my phone, or anything else to not end up talking to a stranger. I do not think I have anxiety. Anxiety basically means that someone will get super nervous and scared about having to do or say something. With this may come so many different types of questions i your head, which in return would make the anxiety that much worse. When having to talk to an individual, I do not get so nervous that I start shaking or anything like that. However, this does come into play when I have to speak in front of more than one person like in a speech class. this could be classified as stage fright or a fear of public speaking I suppose.
I mainly keep to myself because, lets face it, I am terrible at starting, and also maintaining, conversations. I do not know what it is, but I can never think of anything eventful to say. I always end up at “Hi, how was your day? good? well that is good to hear.” and it just falls off after that. Small talk is always hard. I can never get it to flow consistently, there is always a big awkward silence between topics. If I feel awkward during that silence I know for sure the person I am talking to is feeling it twice as much. After that happens the thoughts start to come. They probably think I’m weird. No one is this socially awkward. I’m sure they don’t want to be my friend anymore. All those thoughts and more kept circling inside my head. Back in grade school, it took me months or even a whole semester before I finally started to make a couple of friends. Even then, I felt like they were just my friend because they felt sorry for me.
Another problem I have is talking to authority figures. I struggle and struggle to get the right words to say. After I finally find the right words, they do not want to come out. It is like my vocal cords just shut down and refuse to vibrate when i want to talk sometimes. This goes for talking to pretty much anyone else as well but especially authority figures. I will stand right outside a teacher’s office going over in my head what to say and try to gather up the courage to go talk to them. I would start to try to walk in the room and I would then proceed to run back into the hall and contemplate even going in there and talking to them at all. When I finally get myself to go in there and speak, I forget everything I was going to say, I would shudder, and I would feel like the teacher was looking at me like I was nuts.
If any of you are out there and are experiencing the same type of negative social traits that I am, then you are not alone. There are other people out there facing the same battles that you are. Some may feel like you are invisible to everyone and that no one wants to talk to you because of your social awkwardness. while there are people in this world that can be like that, there are still some good people out there in this world. These people will still talk to you no matter how awkwardly you present things. They are genuinely interested in getting to know you and getting past those negative social traits to view your true personality. Those are the friends that are worth keeping around for the long haul. People who will encourage you to do your best and also people who try to challenge you and help you become a better person.
One day I plan to overcome all of this negativity clouding my life. There are some things in life I really want to do that requires a more active personality than I have right now. I want to start a YouTube channel and upload videos and get paid for it one day. I also want to stream games on twitch as well. Both of these things require a lot more lively personality than I have. Does this mean I am just going to say oh well and just not do it at all? No! I will slowly and steadily work my way up and eventually achieve that goal in life. I believe I can obtain that personality needed for those types of things. Some people are indeed born with it, but I also believe some people work their tails off to get to where they can do that kind of stuff, and that is going to be me one day. I want to encourage everyone else out there who has seemingly unreachable goals due to your shyness and personality, you CAN do it if you set your mind to it. There is bound to be people in your life that will help you and support you as you try to achieve your goal. If by any chance there are not anyone that will, then it would be my duty, and honor, to be that friend that will!
I hope you all have a wonderful day!